don't shut the window it's too cold
by Abe Lincoln Lover
Summary: ...


. . . . . someone opened the window . . . . .

(( and now it's cold ))

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don't shut it please please don't shut it I don't want you to please don't if you do you'll leave I need you here please please stay I need you I love you stop stop it's not cold I'm cold sorry I lied I love you I need you it's cold you're warm I love you why are you so cold this time don't do this don't tell me please tell me those lies this isn't the time to be honest and oh God I hate you so much you did this on purpose didn't you I hate you I never want to see you again don't say sorry I can't handle it I want to hate you but please please come back the window is still open and the breeze is blowing in and it's so cold in here now

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Hey Kaito

It's me. Aoko. I'm just writing this letter to see how you are. And to say sorry. And to see if you'll come back. I miss you. I love you. I want another chance. I was wrong. So... sorry.

Because you're a great guy and you never did anything wrong and you have the biggest heart in the world. And you didn't deserve that. Any of that. And so if you ever get this I just want you to know that I love you more than anyone else ever ever ever in the world. And I want to see you again. I didn't mean any of that. You know that. Please. You know that. And I'll be waiting there.

-Aoko

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A certain frizzy-haired girl made her way through a medium-sized crowd. A golden yellow pocket book hung dutifully as a hanged man from the gallows of her shoulder. She squinted her eyes at the unusually strong sunlight beaming down - so deep deep down - at her before giving in to its power. She cupped her hand over her eyes to shade them from it and gave the area a glance over. No one she knew... well at least no one that she was waiting for. A gravelly voice that sounded like it was much too used to grumbling and smoking called over to her. "You here again?"

She turned dazedly to him, as if she were living in a dream world and was too sleepy to be awake. She blinked at him tiredly. She frowned slightly and gave a small shrug. No words uttered, because it felt like she had lost her voice. Maybe she did. She wouldn't know. God she was falling apart. But maybe she should say something, just to make sure. But she was too paranoid all of the time. It would be better for her to just let this go. Healthier. Give her some reassurance. Let it go. The clock tower that towered above the small square chimed 3 o'clock. Time to get going. Time to live on. Her eyes sank back with disappointment but acceptance. She had grown to expect this. But it still hurt. Because she still had hope. Every day now she had hope. But she didn't know why because she knew it was a lost cause, coming here each day. Tomorrow she wouldn't come back.

Ding

Ding

Ding

"..._Yeah._"

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Because then she was home again, and she had forgot to shut the windows and it had snowed last night so everything was wet and powdered white and for some reason it reminded her of him. Most certainly it would rot the wood of the antique cupboards she had inherited from her father when he had been murdered that night all those years ago but she couldn't really find it in herself to care. She pulled a chair out from the dining room table and sat herself upon it, staring straight ahead at the white-washed walls with blinking once. Maybe if she stared hard enough then she could bore holes through it. Sometimes, sometimes she wondered about those walls. She had heard stories once from someone (she forgot who, it could've been him but she wasn't really sure) that said that there were sometimes things hidden behind walls. Like an extra super secret room. For a house like hers it was a ridiculous thought, but she entertained the idea because it kept her mind off things for a while.

Black black grainy holes into the white flat wood. Or whatever the walls were made of. She had never really bothered to check. That piece of information, she probably knew it before when she bought the house, and it was probably written down on some fancy document locked away in her filing cabinet. She took a moment to ponder the filing cabinet, the black hole that ate up all her important things she needed to keep. Well it wasn't like she was going to ever look at them again, she only kept them for the sake of having them... just in case she ever needed them...

And it was on days like these, with a heavy sleet pounding down at her roof and house, with her mind on topics as insignificant as filing cabinets, where it would simply slip her mind once again to close the windows.

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Hey Kaito

It's me. Aoko. Again. I know you're still mad at me, but I just wrote this letter in case you didn't get my last one. But you're you so you probably did get it. I just want to say that I really do miss you a lot and that I'll be waiting for my whole life for you to come back. Because I don't deserve you. And - and so it's my punishment. I'm sorry every day for what happened. So I'll try to apologize with what I can. And right now the rest of my life is all I have. But you deserve even more than that, but I just can't give anymore. I'll try, though. Because I love you. Sorry. I'm not trying to ask you to come back. If you know what's good for you, you won't come back. Because you're a super smart guy and you know that I'm not the one for you. So

I probably shouldn't be writing this. I don't want you to feel guilty, because you're the only one doing anything good nowadays. You're the only good person out there. I'm a terrible person. I hate myself. You should hate me too. But you don't (I think). Which is stupid because I was so mean to you. But you were always like that. You always forgave people, even when you had no reason to. Like, you forgave Jii-chan for forgetting to check the equipment that time when your dad died. Sorry. I didn't mean to bring that up. But I'm just so confused these days that I don't even know what I'm doing here anymore. I don't know what's right or wrong. I - I'm really scared Kaito. I'm falling apart. I need you. No. Sorry. Don't come back. I'm a mess but I can figure this out on my own. Don't come back. Please. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't waste it on me. I wish nothing but the best for you. Don't waste your time with a horrible horrible liar like me.

-Aoko

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Past the butcher's stand. Past the fishery (it sent shivers down her back even though she wasn't the one who was afraid). Past the old grumbly man who was asking her, "You here again?" like he did every day. She peered up at the huge clock tower, not even able to see the top because of how short she was compared to it. It was Goliath and she was David. But maybe that wasn't the best comparison because she knew she would never win. She watched the hands hit three again. Like she did every day. And like every day - it was a tradition to do so now - she swore to herself that she wouldn't come back. And every day she knew that she would break that promise once again the next day.

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Floating

Floating

Floating

Falling

Floating

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A man stepped into her office. She knew this man. Had known him for a while, in fact. He was the same guy she saw on a daily basis these days. She mentally counted back to the first time she had met him - had it already been three years? - and smiled as she greeted him. "Welcome back, Rikuto-kun. You better from that nasty cold you caught?"

"Yeah." He sneezed. "Alright, not quite. But I couldn't really stay away. There's work here to be done, and I can't just use up all my sick days on one cold, now can I?"

And they shared a couple laughs, exchanged a couple more words, and wondered about how their life could have been together. He had taken her on a couple dates before, and had even proposed, but at the offer of engagement she had turned him down. They had shared a few rocky awkward months away from each other before their first confrontation after the incident. He had been the one to suggest that they continue as they did before the whole romance began. She had agreed to go along, realizing only then that they had both known that their relationship would have never worked out, even if she hadn't had another reason to decline his request. The name "Kaito" now rang in her ears as Rikuto-kun bid her farewell. "Ah, well, I'm off to get a good start on that paperwork that's probably piled up on my desk due to my absence. See you around the department, Nakamori-keibu..."

As the door closed her eyes slowly made their way to the picture on her desk, placed face down because she didn't need any more memories of "what could have been", especially after Rikuto-kun. But today she was feeling especially fragile and she just needed someone to comfort her, because she actually did love Rikuto-kun and it made her upset that she did and she didn't know why. She gently turned the frame up and placed it correctly on the desk, and the lamplight shining from her left made a slight glare on the glass cover. She stared sullenly at the photograph, and cried to herself in the silence of the slightly still-musty office of her late father over a boy who had run away from her seven years before. And then the memories started coming back, flooding her at full pace.

And damned she would be if she let anyone see her crying like this. She got up, still openly teary-eyed, locked the door and closed the blinds. And it wasn't until about midday that she finally exited the room again.

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Hey Kaito

I still miss you. I'm just wondering where you are. Give me a call if you want to talk. I swear, I'm a new person than before. I've changed. So please forgive me... for everything.

-Aoko

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There was an envelope lying on her front step one day. Her address was written in his handwriting, she wouldn't forget it even if she lived a million years. She had purposely never moved, she was still living in the same house as she had her whole life. It was sort of strange, staring at something of his after ten years. She hadn't forgotten about him by any means, but she had forgotten how he made her feel. But he was a magician and it was his job to astonish and surprise the audience. Which she was.

And she was so eager to read the note, and she was already late to work but that didn't matter because this was a letter from Kaito. He hadn't forgotten about her. He still cared enough to let her in on whatever, or at the very least give her the time of day. She held the letter to her chest and felt the tears flowing down her cheeks again, happier than she had ever been in the past decade. All those memories of those years flashed before her eyes as she started to tear it open. Holding the paper - oh God she could see all the writing he had put down on it... he had actually spent time writing it! - out in front of her, taking in all of her Kaito that she had missed for so long. Unfolding the letter, reading the letter, taking it all in...

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Aoko

I'm sorry.

It wasn't supposed to be like this, Aoko, I swear. But even now, right now as I'm writing this, I know that I don't have much time left. They're right outside the door (the one I told you about... you know the one) and I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. Please forgive me, Aoko, because I never wanted it to end up this way. I never should have involved you in this but if I play my cards right in the next couple minutes maybe I can buy you some time. If... when you get this letter, get out. Leave the country. Move somewhere that they'll never think to look. I think there's a place in England, maybe, and you can stay with Hakuba for a little while.

But they know. They know everything. I can hear them talking right now. They're saying, "Why'd that bastard have to be so slippery?" Damn it, Aoko. I'm scared. I'm going to die. But this is my own fault so if you ever find this or if someone ever gives this to you I want you to read it entirely and do exactly as it says. Don't feel sorry for me. I chose this path. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. This is all my fault.

They're moving away now, so maybe they won't find me. Yet. I have some more time. I guess I'll just get this off my chest. Your dad's death. Sorry. You're going to hate me forever. It was all my fault. If I wasn't Kaitou Kid he wouldn't have died. I shouldn't have done this. Hate me, please. It'll make everything so much easier. Get on with your life, Aoko. You don't need me. Shred this letter and move on... please...

If I didn't know any better, Aoko, I'd think that I'd be able to get out of this one. But I'm not going to be able to. And I'm so so sorry for having to talk like this. I don't have any time to rewrite this. And you deserve to know how this was. I'm on death row, right now, Aoko. I'm a criminal and I'm getting what I deserve. Think about it like that. Or don't. It doesn't matter to me right now. God damn it I don't want this to happen. But just as long as you're safe... Aoko. Promise me that you'll be safe. What am I doing. I don't have time for that. Here. I'll tell you everything. I'm about to die and you deserve to know every damn thing that's happening and _oh crap I think they found it_

False alarm. I think I might keep writing as long as I'm able. I'd use a voice recorder but I don't want to risk being heard. This room doesn't have any exits besides the one door. And I'd get shot if I left through that way. Umm Kaito keep writing keep writing. Thanks Aoko. And sorry. Writing this helps me calm down a bit. But you're not gonna like this when you read this. You're probably crying by now. I know you too well. But stop stop stop. Don't cry. I'm not crying right now. And I'm scared shitless. No no no. Now Aok o take a deep breath and calm down. There's nothing that you can do. I'm already dead. By the time you read this letter. I'm still alive right now. God, I'm rambling. So let's just keep going, then... what color is the sky? Blue, red, orange, yellow, green, purple, magenta, God Aoko I'm so so sorry. I wish I could tell you all this in person but I really do love you. And I'm sorry that I've only been able to tell you that after I died but you know that's just how life is. _Shit I think that's_ them whoops no. Wrong again. Well Aoko have a nice life. Find a nice guy to marry - Hakuba's okay, but he's such a prick that you probably already can't stand him - and just live. Don't screw up your life as bad as I did. Because criminals always get what they deserve.

_Shit this time it's real._

Goodbye, Aoko. Have a nice life.. and I'll see you on the other side

-Kaito

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Sorry.

I guess I've already failed you.

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Aoko stood up from the dining room table. She shivered as the wind blew in, and she blankly wondered why she was only wearing a t-shirt when it was winter time. She made her way into the living room, and stared out the open window. White white snow covered the ground and she was amazed at how quickly it had done so. The snowstorm had only begun in the morning and now it was... what, noon? She exhaled and saw her breath, smiling at the curling smoke it came out as. She remembered how when she was a little girl she would pretend that she was a horrible mean dragon. He (she never said his name anymore) would always be the knight that would come to slay her. She briefly pondered the oddity that that would be the game they would play, rather than the traditional "the knight saves the princess" game. Perhaps it was just how it was always meant to be.

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Hey Kaito

Now I know that you're never going to get these letters. Now I know why you've never responded. I wish I could have known when you died. You died so young. You were only sixteen. And you died for a good cause. You're my hero, Kaito. And I never stopped loving you. I'm thirty-two now, double the age you were when you died. God, you were so young. Too young to live but old enough to save the world. Because do you know what I found out? Do you know what I found out that you never told me? You found Pandora. That was why they killed you. That was what you forgot to mention in your letter. But now I know. And I never hated you for not telling me, because you were rushed and it was completely understandable that you would forget about that part. And I just want you to know, wherever you are, that I think you're the greatest guy in the world. And that, no matter what, I'll love you forever and I think that you're the bravest man ever. I'll never forget about you. But I just want you to know, you need to know this, that I did take your advice. Two years ago. I feel like you set everything up for me. And even if you didn't, even if it was just pure chance, I'm still happy anyway. And, and I haven't even told my husband yet (I haven't even told Rikuto yet, imagine that!) but...

I'm pregnant.

And, and just for you, I'm going to name him after the bravest man in the world. I'm going to name him Kaito.

-Aoko

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It was summer time, finally, and she was watching over the newborn Kaito in his crib. Sunlight was streaming in through the windows, bringing warmth to the room. She smiled broadly before rising from her seat beside the infant and strolling over the window. With a heave, she shoved it open and let the world in.

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. . . . . someone opened the window . . . . .

(( and now it's okay ))


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